Why Being Really Lonely

betty

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 22:09:12 GMT

every year, i buy a new calendar.
i wait until the very end of january to do this because they are usually in the discount bin by then marked at a desperate price.
once i rescue a poor, unwanted calendar (usually containing pictures of grossly ugly dogs), i bring it home, and begin transferring important dates and information from the old to the new.
in this process, i imagine what the future year has in store.
petty things.
will i have a valentine?
will i be totally wasted on st. patrick's day?
will have have to color eggs on easter?
what will my costume be on halloween?
heavier things.
will one of my loved ones die this year?
will i die this year?
it's not only the future i reflect upon, however, but it's the past as well.
dates of concerts i'd been to, and many i'd flaked out on.
dates of obligations that bring up both painful and joyful memories.
but of them all the most difficult tend to be birthdates.
i go through the difficult process of choosing who to carry-over.
and who to leave behind.
many over the years have been left behind.
but a strong, select few carry over year after year after year.
those who i have a strong admiration for.
a strong connection with.
even though we have kept out of touch for such long periods of time.
and haven't touched or seen each other for years it must be.
you are still carried over.
and your name brings a huge smile to my face as i write it.
happy birthday, betty.
thinking of you. <3

i actually have an excuse for being messed up all my life

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:46:21 GMT

so my blood tests finally came back from the doctor and it turns out i have polycystic ovaries.
i've been blogging about it on tumblr, but i realized you guys here probably don't read it, and i wanted to give you an update.
i have to take birth control till the day i die to control my hormones.
doc says i'll probably be "completely changed" by next month :x i'm kind of scared of how i'll change. when your hormones have been one way all your life and then suddenly they're "fixed" lots can happen o-o. eek.

christmas

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:17:27 GMT

i've ordered shirley's and myan's presents online.
i hope you like them <3

if you're bored.

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:26:55 GMT

http://view.playlist.com/3232629003/standalone

why i expect to drink in my future

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 23:46:36 GMT

domo kun

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 23:45:42 GMT

i went to target and wanted every single thing!

i can’t believe domo kun is promoting halloween there!!!!!

^OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO^

i'm never leaving my house

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 23:41:49 GMT

i love how abc calls it "stay at home week"
and TRIES to cover it up as a stay-at-home-with-your-family thing
right
STAY AT HOME AND WATCH TV!
while i hate being effected by corporate ploys....
yeah, i'm never leaving my house again.
the office, heroes, grey's anatomy, ugly betty, desperate housewives, dexter, etc.... if i were a boy, i think i'd have a boner right now.
tonight how i met your mother!
the only show that doesn't fall into this week is pushing daisies.
i might dress up and bake some pies for that shit.
^o^
i think i'll work on homework to make the time pass faster.

the phenomenon

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:53:47 GMT

www.youtube.com/watch
that is ninja cat.

god i'm tired

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:37:19 GMT

my work is starting to snowball.
shit.

it's so cold

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:32:58 GMT

>.<

i wish it would rain here :]

i’m getting that feeling… like it’s going to rain.

i can feel it in the pit of my stomach. like i’m anxious about something, but it’s not so much a crippling nervous anxiety… almost like the feeling of butterflies when you have a strong crush on someone, but there’s no one to think about sporadically throughout your day that sends shockwaves through you…

it’s like a constant feeling rather than a feeling with random spikes…

i don’t know if you know what i mean.

i want a hat like this

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:32:22 GMT

i love her hair color too.

bella

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:31:24 GMT

the movie i inadvertently ditched sarah for.

it was really great. see it if you can. bella.

i’m noticing that i’ve been replacing all my old favorite movies with new ones. my old favorites filled with themes of cynicism and lost faith in humanity and self seem to be gradually falling from my “favorites” categories.

i’m so assiduous (yay new word!) on updating my profiles. it’s like if i don’t, i’ll forget. whenever i look at them, i’m reminded. oh yeah, that IS my favorite movie. i DID love that book. i DO love that band.

i think favorites really reflect who you are as a person. the fact that my favorites are changing reflect how i’m changing… and i think for the better. at least i hope it’s for the better…

waves

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:29:53 GMT

there are ~~four~~ five relationship stories (saying so and so is now in a relationship) in a row on my facebook news feed xD

thus further backing up my relationships happening in waves theory.

incredible! i REALLY want to know why this IS!

[sarah would have made ~~five~~ six in an alternate universe]

(i checked and there have been a total of 8 this week alone!)

i hope so... and doubt it :/

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:28:47 GMT

i wonder how many women

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:27:26 GMT

have masturbated to edward cullen…

i have no idea

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:25:21 GMT

why i like this so much xD

leanne

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:24:31 GMT

FTW!

"the way love goes"

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:23:17 GMT

i finished one red paper clip

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:21:22 GMT

i really liked it :]

i wrote a simple review for iread

here it is:

macdonald has such a silly, down-to-earth sense of humor. he’s genuine and that makes him and his story so appealing. it didn’t inspire me to start trading things like i expected it to. it actually did the exact opposite. this book isn’t about material possessions and how to turn less into more. it’s about helping your fellow man. it reignited my faith in humanity at a point in my life where i began considering alienating every single person in my life wouldn’t be so bad. if you’re not one to be inspired, it’s an interesting, real, entertaining story.

i’ll also add that it was easy to tell he isn’t a writer x] but that made him so much more real… and his DORKY sense of humor is just my cup of tea!

so it's been a while

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:19:37 GMT

i'll try and go through my major tumblr posts...
but there have been quite a bit... so we'll see.
:X

midnight sun got leaked!!!

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 02:34:28 GMT

but now it wont come out for hella days :/

FUUUUUUUUCK!

http://stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html

at least we can read some of it! :D

264 pages!! omfg i'm in heaven!

Writer's Block: Your Favorite Series: One Last Go Round

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 10:30:25 GMT

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE IT WAS THE SHIT!

way to go idle! x]

the funeral

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:34:35 GMT

by band of horses is my obsession right now.
they're the shit

i like money cuz it makes me numb

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:47:10 GMT

lyrics drop
cuz myan inspired me.
p.s. my loser ass just found out that thurston moore is the same guy from sonic youth -___-

I know you have a fucked up life
Growing up in a stupid town
Your mother was a mixed up chick
And your father he just fucked around
A little too much for his own good
I'd kill the bastard if i could
I'd kill all the boys with their fucked up noise
And all the bullshit they seem to enjoy
The kids at school
Called you slut
Nothing but
And what the fuck are they into
The stupid fools
Losers assholes suck all the luck
Out of the world the world for you
If i can get it back to you i will
And kick their asses all over town
All over town i'll turn it over
And i don't even know you that well
What the hell summer spell

What's it like
Going out
And no one knows what you're about
Abused and used and cut in two
By hollow man with nothing to do

Laugh all the time try to get high
And try to hide behind the lie

They fucked your head up
That's for sure
Your heart is ripped now wrapped in fur
But you know that sex is pretty insane
And magic seems to kill the pain
And the things that go on inside your brain
Makes you seem to think that you're to blame
Don't think about it
Throw it out
Love 'em all and say it loud
Fight the scumbags that slap you around
Scream your crazy lost and found
We don't have to tell you what is right
We have all the faith that it was not right

Sadness is and sadness was
And sadness will always be because
Comfort comes around from the strangest of men

I got no time for sad songs baby
Don't need you to say i'm crazy
Stick your tongue and you look at me
And i will bite it off you see
Push you down onto your knees
Do you laugh away the flees

You're not the only one in town
But you're the only one that's got me down
Psychic hearts go out to you
A psychic heart go round to you

My prayer to you
Is that you do all the things you set out to do
And live your life the way you love
But will you remember one thing for me
I will always love you
I will always love you

olympics

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:31:05 GMT

i agree with shirley about phelps being an arrogant brute.
ugh
the relay still felt great to win though
despite much focus on him :/

eat it french